Why I Hate The Opera


I am not a big fan of opera. It seems so theatrical, which I know is the point, but excessively so for my tastes. They oftentimes sing in foreign languages, which may seem romantic, but to the everywoman I am, it seems my daughter can

speak better English then they can German. And what is with the men always being overly fat? Do I want to pay big bucks to see some guy sweat all over the stage? Opera is not for me, not by a long shot.

Every movement has to be overwrought. The make-up has to be so heavy. Wigs and costumes all weighing at least 100 pounds. The stage, every inch of it, has to be drowned in movement, either with actors or set design. Can’t they convey beauty and emotion in immobility as well?

And seeing some woman or man berating another, or not even berating, maybe just consoling or lavishing love, while speaking a foreign tongue, how does one understand the words? If words weren’t that important, why can’t they just hum it? Or replace the words with universally known euphemisms, like ‘amen’? The swelling of the orchestra normally drowns out the pronunciation anyway. I am sure that elongating portiaaaaa can be viewed as a talent, but not to the average listener, sorry.

And why do all the main performers appear to be excessively obese? Men, women, it doesn’t matter. I have been taught that singing from the diaphragm is the way to project the voice. If this is the case, they should have some killer abs, and not a 40” waist. Maybe they need the extra poundage for presence?

No, opera is not my thing. I can’t see paying all that money to leave as confused as I came, or more so. Give me plain old English, without all that sing-song excess. I will save my money and see a movie. Preferably by Jerry Bruckheimer.

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