Key Elements Of Relationship Survival – Psychology Essay
I believe there are several key elements that are needed in order for a relationship to survive and without these elements a relationship could be subject to failure. When a person thinks of a relationship, they begin to think of
what they would want, need or how they could possibly benefit from it. However, while thinking of reaping for themselves, they fail to think about the other person. The needs of one person may not be the same needs as the other person this leads to the fact that we are all different. However, there are several elements in a relationship that we all have in common and can also relate to. It is important to have some one to share your life with. Some don’t believe in relationships and would prefer to be alone. While I am one who feels that having some one is a part of growing in life, getting older, raising a family; I will enlighten those who don’t believe in relationships the importance of them and the key elements that will assist in holding a strong relationship together. Those elements are attraction, friendship, respect, love, trust, security, intimacy, and the hardest of them all finance. I will now explain my beliefs on how without these elements a relationship is destined for failure.
When a person meets someone the first thing that is distinguished is the way that person looks. Is he or she attractive or not and the answer is usually quick and automatic, it is as though we are programmed with this distinction. Sometimes, after we have made our decision about that person, our conclusion could infer whether we even want to make friends with that person. For instance, if a person is not attractive and has a bad attitude another person may not be very drawn in or comfortable with getting to know that person. However if a person is attractive and has a nice attitude another person may feel more comfortable with communicating and possibly getting to know that person thus establishing an acquaintance that in time develops into a friendship or something more serious. In other words, there is certain criterion that has to be met even before friendship is established. Attraction is a necessary factor in the beginning of a relationship.
When friendship is finally initiated the responsibility for keeping a friendship is not difficult as long as the two people are honest and loyal. They have to be good listeners and they have to kindness and compassion for the other person. What I look for in a friend is someone who could be there when I need them and that person does not mind sharing, giving, understanding and being trustworthy and in return I would give that person the same treatment. In a relationship, not only is it a wonderful asset to have friendship but it is also one of the key elements for relationship survival.
Many people are familiar with the word respect, special thanks to a well known and heavily praised singer and songwriter by the name of Aretha Franklin. Mrs. Franklin’s song spelled out the word R.E.S.P.E.C.T and the singer explained what it means to her. What does respect mean to you? Everybody carries their own personal definition to the word respect. Not just the textbook meaning but what the word really means to you, my idea of respect is do unto others as you would have them do unto you. It is pretty self explanatory, if you like to be treasured then treasure the person you are with. Respect to me is taking the time to bare with a persons feelings if you are having a hard time understanding that person respect them with patience. If you are angry with a person respect that person by not lashing out in anger to cause harm to that person. Respect is not hitting someone, if a person hits someone they are in a relationship with they do not respect that person and neither does that person have respect for themselves. A relationship needs respect to move two people closer together, when a person realizes they are very well respected by another person they begin to feel trust.
Trust is the heart of a relationship. “…trust is the belief by one person that another’s motivations towards them are benevolent and honest.” (www.wikipedia.com) I believe that without trust there may as well not be a relationship at all. For instance, someone cheats on their partner but they do not break up with each other the victim may forgive the cheater, however the victim never forgets what the cheater has done. Consequently the relationship is damaged. When the cheater, who is no longer a cheater, leaves home for a walk to the mailbox, the victim is on edge and uncomfortable. The victim is afraid that the used-to-be-cheater is going to cheat again. Going to the mailbox is not nearly enough to worry about but lack of trust can turn the mind of the victim to an obsessive accuser and no one likes to be accused of things all of the time. Without trust, a relationship will burn down and there will not be any pieces left over to gather up and try to put back together. Trust is a strong key element of a relationships survival.
An explanation for finance is usually not needed, but I will state my belief regardless. Marital conflicts arise not because of money itself, but because of a couple’s differing emotions about money. (“More Than Just Money” By. Suzanne Woods Fisher, Christianity Today, Spring 2003 Issue.) Without money or the support of money a relationship turns pretty unsteady. “…but they soon find out that money is a tie that can bind more tightly — and more painfully — than any marriage license.” (“Before ‘I Do’ Don’t Do This” By. Jeff Opdyke, Love and Money, Wall Street Journal.) Knowing that someone is broke all the time, some people really do not participate in wanting to be in a relationship with that type person. It is not that they are considered as “gold diggers” or people who are all about money but everyone needs a little financial back up sometimes. Although being careful with spending and other joint efforts financially are also very important. “For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil” (The Holy Bible 1 Timothy 6:10). Having sure finances is very helpful in keeping a relationship stable and secure.
An intimate relationship is an interpersonal relationship with a great deal of physical and/or emotional intimacy. It is usually characterized by romantic or passionate love and attachment. Sexuality may or may not be involved. (www.wikipedia.com)
When adding all of these key elements together two people will be able to ascertain intimacy. Intimacy is a beautiful feeling shared between two people that can lead to lots of wonderful moments in life one of those moments is the art of being in love. Some people mistake intimacy for sex, true enough it is a part of it but in a good relationship that has all of the key elements sex usually follows falling in love. Everybody loves to be caressed with caring and love. Intimacy is a valuable key element in a relationship.
This is the final factor that is not so final because I believe that during the creation of all of the key elements love is perfectly filled in to all of the blanks. Love has several different meanings in the English language, from something that gives a little pleasure (“I loved that meal”) to something for which one would die for (patriotism, pair-bonding). It can describe an intense feeling of affection, an emotion or an emotional state. In ordinary use, it usually refers to interpersonal love. As an experience usually felt by a person for another person, it is commonly considered impossible to describe. Dictionaries tend to define love as deep affection or fondness… (www.wikipedia.com) In conclusion, if a person ever wonders, through lacking any of the key elements of relationship survival, “Why am I still with this person?” They can always refer to this element. People go through lots of pain, lacking these important elements at times, but the greatest element of them all could be the reason we all continue to endure, enjoy, or unfortunately lose who we really are, and that element is love. Love is the strongest key element of relationship survival.