If I could go back, even for a day, maybe things could have been different. I would give him a hug to assure him thinks are ok, despite the cruel circumstances he was under. I’d let him know there are more people who care about him than don’t. But time cannot rewind,
reality and life are in the present. I know take life more serious. I express my love to more people who may not have heard it before because life is precious and they have made a difference in me. I no longer say goodbye, because goodbye is forever. Instead, I say “See you later.” The pains and sorrows that are felt are only temporary. Suffering now will lead to happiness in the future. Never has a single person had such a strong impact on my life as Jordan Jensen did, and still continues to.
The smell of a cleansing spring rain filled the air in Draper, Utah. The weather was almost perfect. Clear skies, fresh air, not hot, but not cold. Through the overcast clouds that hung over the valley the sun still managed to shine through and put it’s warmth on us. No one seemed as excited for this new weather as I did. I wanted to be outside, wander around, and enjoy the beauty. For three months I felt as if all we did was sit inside of the same houses, the same basements, because of the cold and gloomy weather. But alas we could be free! After begging forever I finally convinced someone to step outside into this beautiful day, get some fresh air, and just walk with me.. His name is Jordan Jensen.
Jordan and I skipped down the street, hand in hand, laughing at probably nothing. We weren’t the closest friends, but we confided in each other. The cement cold on our bare feet, but that didn’t bother us. We stopped at Pheasant Circle Park to swing and strengthen our friendship. The sawdust on the playground was still wet from the rain, so it was unusually soft on our feet. We hadn’t been friends for very long, so at first the conversation was small. Our discussion somehow led to love. We both agreed on everything. Even though we’re both young, we still had our thoughts and hopes about it. The discussion of love led into flowers. Jordan then told me I was going to be added to his “Rose List.” Once a month he would leave one or two roses on his good friend’s porch. Just to brighten their day. After 3 hours of talking we decided we were going to be best friends. So we were.
Two weeks later I was on my way to work. I opened the door and there were four, white roses sitting on the step. I smiled wider than I ever had before. I wasn’t necessarily having an awful day, but this simple act definitely took an insipid day and made it one of the best. The sweet scent of the roses occupied the musky smell of my car. I continued to receive four roses each month.
Jordan had many big dreams. Some were a bit unrealistic to us. But, for some reason, just because Jordan wanted and hoped for them to come true, in the back of our minds we were a little convinced they might. It’s unfortunate and heart breaking that his biggest dream, our worst nightmare, came true.
The smell of roses has never smelt so bitter. Usually associated with romance or love, to a group of friends they smell of tragedy and guilt. The normal roses left on our porch were only rose petals for the last time. Jordan Jensen took his life on October 14, 2007.